I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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