I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
