Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
