Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
