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I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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