Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
