you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
