I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
