If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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