i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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