you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
