Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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