Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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