everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
