Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
