im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
