it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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