So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
