I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
being pregnant is like rehab
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
