Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
