bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
