Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
