your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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