I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
