dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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