i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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