hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
