We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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