Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
