Ambien. No doubt about it.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
