I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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