there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
as a side note pls kill me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
