i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
