omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
