i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
