If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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