If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
