just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
