We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
