I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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