Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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