My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
