i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
