oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
