He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
