do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
