babies were throwing up all over the place
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
