She's JV to your varsity
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
