shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
