didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
