it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
